


Half of you (is not enough for me)

by Melacka



Category: Hunger Games Series - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst and Fluff and Smut, Banter, F/M, Fandom for Oz, Friends With Benefits, Friendship, Idiots in Love, Mutual Pining
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-02
Updated: 2021-01-13
Packaged: 2021-03-11 01:06:50
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,481
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28496538
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Melacka/pseuds/Melacka
Summary: Having undertaken a mutually enjoyable, no strings attached, friends-with-benefits agreement with Peeta, Katniss is appalled to find herself developing feelings for him. But Peeta could never feel the same way about her, right?Or, Katniss and Peeta are idiots in love and they're the only two left in the world who don't realise it.
Relationships: Katniss Everdeen/Peeta Mellark
Comments: 25
Kudos: 94





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [hutchabelle](https://archiveofourown.org/users/hutchabelle/gifts).



> A (very) belated Fandom for Oz gift for the wonderful hutchabelle (@hutchhitched on tumblr). Thanks for your patience and understanding! 2020 was quite a year, huh? But I'm hoping to get this done over the course of January/early February.
> 
> So, the prompt we ended up going with is basically a PWP/mutual pining fic, where our two characters are supposed to be engaged in a purely sexual, friends-with-benefits situation and they are both (obviously) pining away for the other and oblivious to the other's feelings. You know, all the good stuff! So, if you're ready, let the smut and angst and romance and pining begin! Tags will be added as I go along and I have planned for approximately 5-6 chapters, but who the hell knows at this point. *shrugs*
> 
> I hope you all enjoy and stick around for the ride! Title taken from 'Mutual' by Shawn Mendes.

Katniss groaned and threw her head back. She wrapped her legs around Peeta’s waist, and he grunted his approval, dropping his face to her neck. As Peeta pressed soft, open-mouthed kisses to the sensitive skin of her neck, Katniss reached her hands up to grasp the headboard tightly.

“Oh God,” she moaned, tightening her legs around his waist. “Yes.”

She felt Peeta grin against her neck and would’ve smacked him if she could only be sure that it wouldn’t stop him. She’d do almost anything to keep him doing what he was doing. That was the whole problem. She’d do almost _anything_ to keep him in her life, and she really kind of hated how much she suddenly needed him. It made her feel weak. Overwhelmed. Emotional.

_Vulnerable_.

Frankly, it was unacceptable.

In her darker moments, she even resented him for it. She knew it wasn’t fair. It wasn’t _Peeta’s_ fault that she had broken the terms of their agreement. He wasn’t _trying_ to make her fall for him, she was sure of that. But it wasn’t supposed to _be_ this way. She wasn’t supposed to feel anything.

Peeta pulled away from her neck and Katniss moaned in protest. He chuckled and, not pausing the steady thrust of his hips, bent carefully to take one of her nipples into his mouth.

“Yes,” Katniss hissed, keeping a firm grip on the headboard to stop herself from grabbing his head. “God, yeeeeesssssss.”

Peeta moved his attention to her other nipple and Katniss gasped as the cool air made contact with her wet skin. Peeta reached a hand between their bodies, finding her clit with well-practiced ease. Katniss rolled her hips in encouragement and Peeta dragged his free arm up, his hand gripping one of hers against the headboard.

“Come on,” he groaned, pulling back to look at her. “Come with me.”

Katniss was only too happy to oblige. She was already wound so tight that it only took a few rough circles around her clit to send her over the edge. She turned her head to the side and tried to smother her cries in the pillow. Peeta made no such effort when he came with a shout a minute later.

Katniss trembled slightly as she came down from her high. She closed her eyes when Peeta pressed a soft kiss to her forehead and eased his softening cock out of her. She heard him stand up and cross the room to toss the condom in the trash.

_Always so considerate,_ she thought bitterly. _Never leaves a mess_.

“Are you going to let go of the headboard, now?” he asked quietly, and Katniss could tell that he was amused.

She slowly lowered her arms and turned on her side, eyes still closed. She hated this part. This awkward period right after they finished. In her experience, this part was awkward enough in a _real_ relationship. But this, whatever they were to each other – Katniss never quite knew what to do.

“Is it alright if I use your shower?” Peeta asked lightly, sounding as comfortable as he always did.

Katniss finally turned to look at him, standing naked and unashamed in the middle of her bedroom. She fought the urge to cover herself with the sheet. If he could be unaffected by this then she would be too, damn it.

“Of course,” she said quickly. “Do you need a fresh towel?”

“Oh, I think we’re well past squeamishness over sharing towels, Katniss,” he said with a wink and he disappeared into her bathroom across the hall, not bothering to cover himself up.

Katniss sighed as she watched him go and then looked around the room slowly, noting the spread of their clothes. Peeta had been unusually eager when he’d arrived at her place earlier and gleefully thrown her clothes over his shoulder as he removed them as quickly as he could. She rolled out of bed and drew her robe slowly over her body, tying it loosely at the waist. She searched for her underwear and found them dangling off the edge of her desk chair. She snatched them up and tossed them at the laundry hamper, then she moved methodically through the room and picked up all of Peeta’s clothes. She laid them out on the bed, ready for him to put them on and depart immediately after his shower.

That was their deal. What they’d both agreed to. Sex, no strings. No hanging out afterwards. No romance. No pretending that this was something other than what it was.

Katniss glared at the neat pile of his clothes, fighting the sudden, inexplicable tears. She couldn’t let him see her like this. She couldn’t possibly let him know that she wanted more than what they had. She’d long since acknowledged her feelings to herself, but only after it had become abundantly clear that there was no point in her denying it anymore. But she had no interest in telling _him_. She couldn’t afford to expose herself that way. It was much better to simply enjoy what he was willing to offer for as long as it lasted.

Because it would end, eventually. Everything did.

Katniss sighed and scrubbed at her eyes roughly, cursing the tell-tale redness that was sure to mark her face.

It wasn’t supposed to be this way.

Katniss had never been particularly good at the whole dating thing. She had figured out that she didn’t usually have the patience to build a relationship with someone new, especially if she thought that they didn’t have much of a future together. Katniss was more focused on the here and now and how exactly she was going to pay her bills for any given month. She didn’t really have time for the kind of relationship that might naturally lead to physical intimacy, and she wasn’t interested in having a one-night stand with a stranger. Over time, Katniss had found that her real problem was that she just couldn’t trust the guys that she was with and so she had a hard time letting go. Katniss, having never had a reputation for being much of a thinker, was surprised to find that when it came to sex, she couldn’t turn her damn mind off.

So, when this whole thing started, she had assumed that it would be a handy way to relieve some tension without any risk, to her body _or_ her heart. Peeta was a nice guy that she could trust and who she knew would always treat her well, that’s all. A friend with some pretty significant benefits, but nothing more than that. Katniss knew that she could call on Peeta whenever she was in the mood and he would be able to accommodate her and vice versa. And it worked really well.

For a while, at least.

For the first few months, it had been a mutually beneficial and mutually enjoyable experience. They’d remained friendly yet distant the rest of the time and never enquired too closely into each other’s personal lives. Katniss had been on a few wildly unsuccessful dates in the interim and had even attempted a brief sexual relationship with one of guys she went out with, but it hadn’t worked out. Katniss wasn’t really interested in dating, not when she had so much going on already with college and trying to make ends meet picking up extra shifts at the café she worked at. But she was sure that Peeta had dated a few girls since their arrangement began. An attractive guy like him wouldn’t have any trouble finding a date if he wanted it. Katniss had seen the way that other women looked at him. She wasn’t blind to how attractive he was to women, but that it all the more confusing when she tried to figure out _why_ he would even seek out this arrangement with her in the first place.

Katniss turned to the door when she heard Peeta emerge from the bathroom, his skin pink and face shining from the shower, her favourite towel slung low on his waist.

“Do you want something to eat before you go?” she asked quietly as he started to pull his clothes on.

“Really?” he said, grinning at her as he pulled his shirt down. “I thought I wore you out?”

“Huh?”

Peeta leaned down until his face was right in front of hers and her eyes widened.

“Hey, if you’re not completely satisfied, Katniss,” he murmured as he gently eased her back down until she was lying on the bed. “I’d _love_ something to eat.”

Peeta deftly untied her robe and spread it open, encouraging Katniss to raise her legs until her feet were pressed flat on the bed. Peeta settled down between them and pulled his shirt back over his head, tossing it over his shoulder carelessly. He let the towel fall to the floor as well and Katniss saw that he was already half-hard again.

“That isn’t really what I meant,” she whispered, watching him with wide eyes. “I was going to offer you pizza or something.”

“You sure know how to seduce a guy, you know?”

Katniss laughed breathlessly and said, “I didn’t know I had to try with you.”

“Do you want me to stop?” Peeta asked, maintaining eye contact as he pressed a soft kiss to her inner thigh. “Say the word and I’ll stop, Katniss.”

Katniss shook her head frantically and then settled comfortably on the pillow and closed her eyes. Peeta pressed another kiss to her thigh and then slowly spread her open.

“Don’t stop,” she gasped as he pressed his tongue against her clit. “Don’t ever stop.”


	2. Chapter 2

Peeta was dreaming about her again.

_He whispered her name as his fingers danced over her clit._

Every night, she came to him. Came with him. Came _on_ him.

_Fingernails scraping along his back as she moaned his name._

Every night, it was something different.

_Spread over the kitchen counter, legs over his shoulders._

Back when they’d started sleeping together, he’d assumed that the dreams of her would stop.

_Leaning against the shower wall as she sucked him off._

After all, once he’d experienced the real thing, his subconscious should have no need to plague him with vivid dreams of what could be.

_Against the door of a private study room in the library, his hand over her mouth to muffle her moans._

It hadn’t quite worked out like that, though. In fact, the dreams seemed to be getting worse. More frequent. More intense.

_Katniss bent over his sofa, the outline of his hand pink and perfect on her ass._

Now that he knew for sure how it felt to touch her, kiss her, _taste_ her—

_Peeta … Peeta … Peeta!_

Peeta woke with a start and stared around him in confusion.

“Katniss?” he whispered, sure that she must be in the room somewhere.

When no response came, he sighed and sat up. He could still hear her voice whispering his name.

_Just a dream_ , he reminded himself. _It’s not real_.

And of course, it couldn’t be real. Katniss never called him by his name when they were together. No matter how lost in the moment she seemed, she never let go enough to say his name. Peeta, trying not to feel too hurt by it, thought that it was probably deliberate. He thought that maybe it was her way of distancing herself from him. An effective method for reinforcing the impersonal nature of their current arrangement. Like she could be fucking absolutely anyone in that moment and it just happened to be him.

And it _had_ to be deliberate, because Katniss didn’t seem to have any trouble saying his name the rest of the time. They didn’t spend a lot of time together outside of their arrangement, but it’s not like they tried to avoid each other, either. Peeta had made the accidental meet up something of an art form when it came to Katniss. He was very good at acting surprised when he ran into her on campus or pretending that he hadn’t expected to see her in the café she worked at. Katniss hadn’t called him out on it yet, so she either hadn’t noticed or just didn’t care. But he treasured every single encounter, bringing them to mind later when he was on his own.

Like now.

_Pathetic_ , he said to himself. _Absolutely fucking pathetic_.

He rolled out of bed and stumbled to the bathroom, trying to be quiet as he passed Finnick’s closed door. He wasn’t sure what time it was exactly but knew for a fact that it was too early for Finnick to be awake. Peeta tried to clear his mind of thoughts about Katniss as he went through his morning routine. He made a list of all the things he wanted to get done that day as he showered, doing his best to ignore his erection as he soaped himself up.

He wondered idly what it would be like to shower with Katniss and whether she’d open to the suggestion. He imagined pressing her up against the wet tiles, supporting her weight with his hands as he slid into her. Her fingernails leaving red trails on his back as she tried not to scream out his name—

“Fuck,” he groaned, wrapping his hand around his cock. “ _Fuck.”_

Twenty minutes later, Peeta wrapped a towel around his waist and walked slowly back to his bedroom, silently compiling a list of tasks to complete before he went in to work at the bakery. His shift was due to start at midday and he had a bunch of work to do for his classes before then. Closing the door behind him, he checked his phone for the first time that morning and was surprised to see that he had a message from Katniss.

_Hey, you up?_

Simple and to the point, as she usually was.

He paused and considered his options. He could pretend he hadn’t seen it and just reply later in the morning. It was early enough in the day that Katniss wouldn’t be surprised if he were still in bed. On the other hand—

_Fingernails against his back, breath hot against his neck as she moaned his name_.

He shook his head, trying to clear the lingering images of his dreams from his mind.

Peeta stared at his laptop, sitting ready on his desk, books stacked neatly next to it. He had so much work to do, as well as some errands he’d been planning on running before his shift at the bakery. He needed to buy some food and he’d been thinking about looking for a new pair of boots.

His fingers hovered uncertainly over the screen.

He sighed and tapped out: _I could be :)_

He dropped his phone onto his bed and flung his towel over his chair, preparing to get dressed and head out.

He couldn’t say no to Katniss, not really.

* * *

A couple of hours later, Peeta walked slowly back up to his apartment, toying restlessly with his keys. He was trying to remember what he needed to get done before his shift at the bakery started at noon. He’d tried to get out of the shift already, but his mother had been insistent and Peeta just didn’t have the energy to argue with her this time. He opened the door and sighed when he heard the TV on, knowing that his chances of getting to his bedroom without facing an interrogation ranged somewhere between _slim_ and _none_. He dropped his keys on the table next to the door and allowed the door to slide shut quietly behind him.

“Well, well, well,” an amused voice called out from the kitchen and Peeta’s shoulders slumped in defeat. “Welcome home, Lover Boy. I trust you had a pleasurable start to your day?”

“Hey, Finnick,” he said, looking at his roommate smirking in the doorway. “Is there coffee?”

“She wore you out, then?”

Peeta ignored him and pushed his way into the kitchen. He inspected the coffee machine critically and reached for a mug.

“Now, you know I’m generally in favour of morning sex, Peeta,” Finnick began, following Peeta around the kitchen as he prepared his coffee. “And, correct me if I’m wrong, but—”

“You’re wrong,” Peeta said bluntly, pouring milk into his mug.

“But one of the _main_ benefits of morning sex is it being convenient to one’s location in the morning, isn’t it?”

Peeta took a careful sip of his coffee and grimaced at how cold it was. Glaring accusingly at the coffee machine as if it were somehow at fault, he shoved his cup into the microwave, spilling some in the process.

“Oh, that coffee’s from yesterday, by the way,” Finnick said cheerily, “so it might be cold.”

“Thanks for telling me.”

“No problem! Now, back to the whole morning sex thing. You were definitely at home last night when I went to bed—”

“You’re checking on me at night?” Peeta said sarcastically. “Thanks, Dad.”

“You’re welcome, son.”

Peeta glared at him and carefully retrieved his coffee from the microwave.

“Does this conversation have a point, Finnick?”

“I’m so glad you asked!” Finnick cried, sounding delighted. “As a matter of fact, I _do_ have a point.”

“Which is?”

“Why don’t you just _admit_ that you want more from this whole thing and actually spend the night with her? Surely that would be better than this frantic morning dash across town?”

“Across town?” Peeta scoffed, feeling uneasy with the direction this conversation was taking. “It’s less than a ten-minute walk, Fin. Pretty doable.”

“And I’m sure Katniss is _eminently_ doable, as well.”

“Finnick—”

“But I don’t see _her_ doing the frantic morning dash. Why doesn’t she ever come here?”

Peeta rolled his eyes and took a sip of coffee, cursing when it burned the roof of his mouth.

“As thrilled as I am that you have _such_ concern for my welfare—”

“What are friends for?”

“But it’s really none of your business, Fin,” Peeta finished firmly. “Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’ve got a lot to get through today.”

“Peeta, wait!”

Finnick sounded so serious that Peeta halted in his tracks.

“What?”

“Does she have any idea?” he asked gently. “How you feel, I mean? Have you told her?”

“What good would that do?” Peeta muttered. “She’s made it clear that this is all she wants from me.”

“Has she, though? Are you sure you’re not just assuming—”

“Look, Fin, I really don’t want to talk about this right now.”

“All I’m saying—”

“Just drop it, okay? I’ve gotta get some stuff done and this conversation isn’t going to change anything, so just let it go.”

Finnick sighed and threw up his hands in a gesture of surrender. Peeta snagged a banana from the fruit bowl and left the kitchen, blowing carefully on his coffee as he walked to his bedroom. He was happy to get away from Finnick and he hadn’t been lying when he said that he had lots to do, he really did. He was just having a little trouble remembering what those things _were_. He slammed his bedroom door behind him and set his coffee down on his desk, peeling the banana as he slumped into his chair. He ate it slowly, staring helplessly at his open laptop. He should have been working on that big assignment he had due or going over his notes in preparation for the entirely predictable pop quiz his psych professor would spring on the class next week.

But he couldn’t stop thinking about her. He knew it was a mistake to go over there that morning, but he couldn’t bring himself to regret it. She’d been so _happy_ to see him, greeting him at the door and then almost giggling as she led him to her bedroom on tiptoe. Peeta had followed along, happy as always to let her set their pace. He’d been surprised when she pushed him up against her closed door and sunk to her knees in front of him. He had a feeling _that_ image would be featuring heavily in his dreams in the coming days. The feel of his cock in her mouth was unlike anything else and the sounds she made—

“Fuck,” he groaned, banging his head roughly against the back of his chair. “Focus.”

He finished off his banana and turned resolutely to his laptop, determined to get at least _one_ thing done. He decided to do some preliminary research for his assignment, reasoning that he could work on actually writing it when he was in a slightly more academic frame of mind.

He spent the next hour lazily searching the online database for his college library, trying to find anything to do with the research topic. He didn’t actually read any of the articles he found, just saved them for later, making a list of books to check out of the library next time he was on campus as well. When he looked at the time and saw that it was closing in on 11am, he gulped down the dregs of his cold coffee and shut his laptop. He still needed to shower before work, he hadn’t had a chance at Katniss’ place because her roommate was in there when he left. He’d thought that he’d have plenty of time once he got home but now he was going to have to rush if he was going to make it in time for his shift.

He dashed out of his room and down the hall to the bathroom, cursing when he found it locked.

“Finnick!” he yelled. “Are you gonna be long?”

“What’s your rush?” Finnick yelled back. “I’ll be out in a minute.”

“I need to go to work and I’ve gotta take a shower!”

“Why? Don’t you want to smell like eau de Katniss all day?”

“Finnick,” Peeta groaned, leaning his head against the door. “Come on, man, don’t jerk me around.”

He heard Finnick laugh through the door, then the sound of the toilet flushing and the water running. A moment later, the door swung open and Finnick strolled out, grinning.

“You know, most people are relaxed after they get laid.”

“Most people don’t have to work with my mother,” Peeta snapped and slammed the bathroom door behind him.

* * *

It was more than a week before Peeta saw Katniss again.

During the week, he tried not to think about her too much. Unfortunately for him, he was mostly unsuccessful. He was just thinking about her so much and it was getting a little out of hand. The worst part was when he had a close call at the bakery midweek when he’d let his daydreaming take over a little too much of his mind. He’d started to spell out Katniss instead of Katie when he was decorating a birthday cake and had barely had time to fix it before his mother saw it. Needless to say, Peeta did not want to have to explain why he was thinking of Katniss while he was supposed to be working. His mother had only met Katniss a few times and never introduced to her as anything other than a casual acquaintance of his, but her disapproval was palpable.

And now, he was sitting on his couch on Saturday night, pretending that he wasn’t desperate to see her. He knew that he could just call her and arrange to meet up, that she would probably be okay with it and even be happy to see him, but something was stopping him. He thought that maybe his feelings were getting out of hand, and it was only a matter of time before Katniss noticed them. He didn’t want her to feel _sorry_ for him. Poor pathetic Peeta with his unrequited love.

Peeta snorted in disgust.

“Peeta?”

“Hmm?” he said absently, staring at the TV.

“Are you listening to me?”

“Nope.”

“Look, why don’t you just call her?” Finnick asked, sounding exasperated.

Peeta craned his head and watched Finnick put the finishing touches on his appearance in preparation for his date that night. He tried to sound dismissive when he replied.

“Nah, I’m good.”

“Come on, call her. Beats moping around here all the time waiting for her to call you.”

“I am not moping!” Peeta cried indignantly. “I’ve just had a lot on this week, is all. I need a rest.”

“You need to get laid,” Finnick countered. “You’ve been pissed off almost every day this week between work and school. You’ve finally got to the end of it and you’re telling me that you’re _not_ going to call a sure thing when you have one? You’re mad.”

“She’s not a sure thing.”

“What is she, then?” Finnick snatched Peeta’s phone out of his hand and quickly found Katniss’ number. “Stop denying yourself something you’re _allowed_ to have, Peeta. Isn’t that the whole point of this arrangement of yours? No strings attached, guilt free, romance free, no obligation fucking?”

Peeta shrugged and turned back to the TV.

“I don’t know what the hell your problem is but just call her and invite her over. I don’t plan on coming home tonight so you can even ask her to stay the night.”

“Fin—”

“Look, either call her in or come out with me. I’m sure we can find you someone to pass the time with if you don’t want Katniss.”

Peeta snorted and shook his head.

“Third wheeling with you and your latest conquest sounds worse than being alone,” he said dryly. “Thanks anyway.”

Finnick considered Peeta in silence while Peeta refused to look at him. Finally, Finnick tapped a button on Peeta’s phone.

“You better figure out what you want, Peeta,” he said, chucking the phone back into his lap. “She’ll answer any second.”

“Finnick!” Peeta fumbled for his phone. “Wait!”

“Hello?” Katniss’ voice came through the phone. “Peeta? Hello?”

Peeta scowled at Finnick as he waved and headed out the door.

“Hey, Katniss,” he sighed. “You busy?”

“No, not at all,” she said, and he thought she sounded like she was smiling. “Did you want to come over?”

“Well actually,” he shut his eyes and forced himself to get the question out, “I was wondering if you’d like to come here.”

“Oh?”

“Finnick’s out for the night and we haven’t seen each other for a while,” he said in a rush. “I thought maybe we could, I dunno, get a pizza or something. Maybe watch a movie?”

“A movie?”

“And pizza, yeah. Or, you know, something else if you prefer. Whatever you want, Katniss.”

There was a long pause on the other end of the phone and Peeta held his breath.

“That sounds great,” she said, so quietly he almost didn’t hear her. “I’ll be right there.”

“What?” he asked. “Katniss, did you—”

“I’m coming over, Peeta,” she said, sounding amused now. “I’ll see you soon.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks, as always, to anyone who reads/leaves kudos/comments! I always appreciate it!

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you to anyone who reads/leaves kudos/comments!


End file.
